I recorded a 13 minute video on my phone during my commute to work yesterday. The topic was why I abruptly left the server and my present mindset. I think the video was decent and conveyed my thoughts sufficiently. The main problem is that I can’t transfer the video from my phone to the PC via USB because my phone refuses to be recognized. Can’t update the driver, tried other devices, tried other cords, etc. Nothing is working. The file is too large to be uploaded to google drive or email. I am now committed to buying a new phone because this was the final straw. The other issue is that the recording is quite noisy and shaky, so it would be unpleasant to listen to anyways.
The long story short is that I feel like I am misusing the time that is being spent on the server. I am not getting what I had initially thought I’d be getting out of it. That’s just based on my needs; I am not saying that the server is waste of time for everyone. It’s more of a hangout whereas I was looking for intensive discussion specifically about AP. The rest of this post is about what triggered me specifically, but the bulk of my reaction was built over time.
I do honestly feel irritated about the typing I was given by Zeke and the lack of pushback from others. It seems random to me, I don’t feel like I am being given credit regarding what I know about myself. I have no inclination to accept that typing and I remain very confident about my self-typing. I think there has been a lot of overly-granular typing analysis recently and the big picture is being lost in multiple cases. I also believe that when people demonstrate an understanding of the system, and they show signs of intelligence, lack of mental illness, reflectiveness, etc. that they should be given the benefit of the doubt when determining their own type. My website here should be proof that I have done my due diligence regarding the system and I should be trusted to self-type. If someone wants to argue for a similar type, fine, but the type I was given feels random and way off. I don’t relate to Zeke’s website description of that type, nor its Sexta. I relate very much to my self-type’s description. If you were to ask my friends and family to choose a type for me between those two descriptions, it would be no contest. So I feel like this typing is also a betrayal of Zeke’s own work by himself. I believe this is an error, not necessarily pathological or malicious.
So the whole thing was a wake-up call for me wherein I quickly began asking myself, “Is it worth arguing with people on the internet about who I am in real life? Shouldn’t I just live my real life?” This question is not restricted to the AP server, it’s also a question I have asked about my internet activity broadly. But specifically with the server, I feel like I am not being taken seriously given that my assertions regarding my own attitudes are being denied. How am I supposed to defend myself? What can I possibly say to change someone’s mind at that point? And it just seems weird that if I was somehow convinced about his typing that I would from thenceforth be a type I don’t care for and be in a Sexta I feel friction with, whilst relating far more to another type. What exactly is the point of this personality system again..?
But the thing is… I am not in fact the type that was, in my opinion, flippantly assigned to me; I am in fact the type I say that I am. The system is actually really accurate. The problem is that the system is not being given credit. Too much effort is going into subverting expectations about it’s stereotypes.
I do not agree that my 20 question responses indicate the typing I was assigned. I think we have a dynamic similar to the case with popular notions concerning homophobia. People will commonly say that if someone doesn’t like something it’s because they really do secretly like that thing. And I feel like the interpretation of my responses was something akin to “Oh, this guy thinks he is confident about logic? Well, that’s actually because he *isn’t* confident about logic.” Personally, I find this pseudo-Freudian reasoning incredibly irksome. There is really nothing in my responses that could indicate Insecurity about Logic other than if you have the faulty framing that I just mentioned. And my intention with answering the questions was to try to present my feelings in an off-the-cuff way, so I was not tailoring my responses either. And again, the claim that I am self-negative about logic is refuted by the fact that I am telling you that I am not! Like, If I was some noob to the system, you could argue that I don’t understand what the system says, but clearly I am not a noob, so I think we should trust my opinion over anyone else’s, no?
The attribution of 4F is the most egregious though. However, I firmly believe that the attitude concerning Physics is less clear over distant communication, so I can excuse the mistake. If only y’all knew just how bad things really are with me and Physics… Again, I could go into detail, but what’s the point? If you are no longer concerned with what I say about myself, then it’s wasted effort. And wasted effort is wasted time and time is flying by this single, non-financially independent, 32.5 year old’s ass. I can’t be bothered.
I still respect Zeke and the active participants on the server. I will still keep up to date with his website and public videos. I wouldn’t want people to shy away from his project.
I will continue to blog about AP although I will likely rebrand my take on things so as not to cause confusion. Credit will still be given to Zeke when I refer to his ideas (which will be frequent). I may innovate, relabel, or otherwise modify the system as I see fit. I see AP as a strain or evolution of Psychosophy, which is itself a strain of Jungian Typology, which in turn is a 20th century manifestation of ancient, sociological and metaphysical notions.
Apology
I will apologize for leaving the server without notice. I didn’t really think people would care much. Regardless of the deeper reasoning for leaving, it is true that I got irritated and left suddenly which is a failure on my part to remain emotionally resilient.
He seems to be very quick to perceive disagreement as 3L, yeah, even if it is disagreement about the possibility of 3L (which is getting more than a bit kafkatrappy). I got typed as VELF (I’m actually VLEF with a 2L-1 or 2L-3 subtype) for a while for pretty much the same reason you did.
Yeah, the whole VELF typing with you was a little strange and I was thinking about it when I made this post.
You need to go outside and touch some grass.
Precisely.
Hello, this is Nathan.
Sadly, you won’t be able to join a discord server that is purely intensive discussion regarding *any* theory. You will have to make your own. Discord, Facebook, and any other communicative social media platforms, will never be 100% serious, and will have an element of fun. I am not sure why you didn’t vocalize this concern in the multiple weeks you actively participated in the server, including a diatribe of conversations that were not AP related whatsoever. You say you want intensive AP discussion, but you took it upon yourself to join the AP Server Minecraft Realm with no apparent issue.
You also took it upon yourself to respond to a 20 question form, one made to help target the AP type. Some of these answers had long, elaborated, and complicated responses. I have yet to uncover the sense and logical basis behind why a person would fill out something like this, and then emotionally react as strong as you did. The reason you didn’t experience “pushback” by others, is because the other members of the server do not suffer from intellectual density. Even I initially did not agree, or have any reasoning to agree. The difference between me and you, is that I certainly had the curiosity and the understanding to listen to why Rob typed you the way he did. I have every reason to be bothered by the way you acted, and are acting. However, I do not understand why you left the server, to then record a video, to then write this essay about the hurt you’ve experienced. Nobody was attacking you, or attempting to dismantle your self perception. We were all open to listening to both sides, and figuring it out from there. You were the only one who was so vehemently opposed, you couldn’t even FACE the fact that somebody had typed you differently than how you typed yourself.
Not only have I never seen a person conduct themselves in such a way, but I have also never seen somebody make such quick, without basis – emotional judgements of others motives. You said lots of ridiculous, easily refutable stuff in this long and exhausting article.
You have proven to me that you are not an expert in any way. And even if you were, your expertise and sense of self confidence in your typing does not mean you are suddenly immune to getting your type wrong. Everyone can mistype themselves, regardless of their knowledge of the system. Especially in AP. We have seen Zeke change his enneagram type multiple times despite intensive research and understanding of the theory. You are not an excluded superior being. I would appreciate if you got off of your pedestal. We are not obligated to constantly agree with everything you say about your typology because you have some level of intellectual decree. It is not as if we didn’t all listen and assume your type at first. Nobody initially questioned you for the multiple weeks/months you were in the server. You need to learn to self-regulate and open your mind. You can read every section of the AP website, watch every youtube video – but your downfall eventually prevailed due to the fact that you do not know how to apply systems to people. Nobody was going to read your questionnaire and automatically agree with your typing, even if there was contrary information. It’s appalling, how you assumed nobody could disagree with you because you’re an “expert” and we all are obligated to automatically listen and agree to your self report. Sadly, I don’t think life works in such a way. If you care so much about this typing, then you would ask Zeke why he typed you VELF, and tell him why it was wrong, but you chose not to. So I shouldn’t hear any whining and complaining. Your family members opinions are not relevant.
“So the whole thing was a wake-up call for me wherein I quickly began asking myself, “Is it worth arguing with people on the internet about who I am in real life? Shouldn’t I just live my real life?” This question is not restricted to the AP server, it’s also a question I have asked about my internet activity broadly. But specifically with the server, I feel like I am not being taken seriously given that my assertions regarding my own attitudes are being denied. How am I supposed to defend myself? What can I possibly say to change someone’s mind at that point?”
We have all have had our minds changed multiple times about our types in the server. Nobody lost respect. Things like that are not as personal as you are making them. If you wanted to join back NOW, yes you would’ve lost respect. At that point in time, it really didn’t undermine any knowledge you have. We did not immediately assume you were wrong. The typing team read your questionnaire, and responded like you asked. Please reflect on everything that happened during that day. It was not rational.
You were given every chance to change Zekes mind, and EVERY sign of openness and receptivity. But now, you make it seem like everyone was so close-minded and stubborn. No, that was you.
You can pretend to be, or be, whatever type you think you are. It’s not my issue. So if you do see this, I’d rather you not
1) Delete it
2) Respond with more assertions about how you are SURE you are LVFE. And how NOTHING in the questionnaire could ever be equated to VELF. Because I do not personally care, and in the same way you didn’t listen to Zeke, I will not listen to you.
I think you guys are making a bigger deal out of this than I am. I stated pretty clearly in my post that I am ultimately leaving for personal reasons related to my life priorities and time management. I also stated that I wouldn’t want to dissuade people from the server, that hangouts are fine (just not my priority right now), and I made an apology at the end for my behavior.
Are you part of the typing team for AP? I sure hope not, because your views/reaction to this are incredibly immature. Maybe you are the one who needs to touch grass…or maybe the whole AP team needs to. A community is only as good as those who lead it. If someone has an issue with how you’re handling your members or themselves, perhaps it’d be better to learn from it rather than jump to attacks. There’s no need to defend yourself, the author of this post did not hurl insults. They are totally justified for feeling the way they do, and you are rude to comment and try to attack them for it. Shame on you.
good!!!
I had a similar experience, I was banned from the Discord because Rob took offense to something I said, and I wasn’t sure why they were insistent on typing me differently than I found myself off my vague interactions via text. I would have probably left as well if there wasn’t any resources or discussion on the typology itself, but it’s a shame. Traumatic to a social 5 lol. I think rob types best in a static and objective context like the celebrity video typings.
Yeah… It’s inexplicable to me. Definitely a bummer.